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I scream, you scream, we all scream…
This fire drill is going really badly.
“Are you ready to rock?”
“OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!Damn these thin walls. Don’t know if my neighbors are having sex, praying or having a coronary.
Of course you have no regrets. Regrets are for people smart enough to know they could have done better.
The government was gonna impose martial law but a typo turned it into marital law, so now everyone is just passive aggressively coughing into one another’s soup while they watch 24-hour news channels in complete silence
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
Why did the baker stop making donuts?
Because he was bored with the hole business.
Friend: Can I borrow a pen?
*looks in purse*
*pulls out perfume, 17 Hershey kisses, a stapler & a baby goat*
Me: Sorry, no pen. 🙁
A little baby Yoda in my life
A little baby Yoda by my side
A little baby Yoda is all I need
A little baby Yoda is what I see
Mandalorian Number Five