As a copywriter, I’ve noticed more people are using ‘whilst’ instead of ‘while.’ WHILE you can use either, WHILST is formal so it always sounds pompous and full of shit. Would you say WHOMST? No you WOULDST NOT.
You Might Also Like
Man, the way these journalists are complaining it’s like they only went to Sochi to use doorknobs and go poop.
giv a man a fish adn he’ll say “wat is this i ordered a mcflurry”
teach a man to fish adn he’ll say “how ar u the manager of this mcdonalds”
PATIENT: I’ve been so stressed out lately. What can I do?
DR DOG (tail wagging like crazy): Studies show that petting dogs relieve stress
*hands you a ferret*
*hands you a ferret*
*hands you a ferret*
*hands you a ferret*
*hands you a ferret*
*hands you a ferret*
*hands you a ferret*
*hands you a ferret*
God: check this out
Angel: [peering down at Earth] wow it’s chaos down there, what did you do
God: I made parking cost $10
ME (just before the road trip): I can hold it until I get there.
ME (4 hours in):
9am: Very busy day today, I need to focus & stay off the internet
1pm: did you know that Texas has the largest population of prairie dogs?
My kid: look mumma this coin is really really old!
Also my kid: still younger than you though…
once when i was a waitress, there was a horse hitched behind the bar.
i asked my boss why. she said “bc you cant get a dui on a horse”
i asked her y not. and she looked at me like i was the absolute stupidest person alive and told me “bc the horse knows wheres its goin”
Mom: “You’re a delusional alcoholic.”
Abraham Lincoln: “She’s right, you know.”
[girlfriend sleeping over for the first time]
HER: This is nice.
ME: You need to move to the couch. My dog sleeps on that side.
That’s it. The next time a relative asks me if I have a boyfriend, I’m going to say “no, I’m just sleeping around”.
Everybody please go potty because after we rob this bank we’re not gonna stop again for a while
What do you mean I didn’t win I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else
“Let’s circle back”
– Lame corporate jargon
– No flair
– Boring“Let’s do the hokey pokey and turn this thing around”
– Unconventional
– Also useful at weddings
– Decisive (shows leadership)
– That’s what it’s all about
Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough
If she’s playing Wheel of Fortune, and has “_ONAL_ _UCK” left to win $8500, then she wants the D
[calls home]
son: hello
me: hi, put mom on the phone
son: I can’t
me: why
son: she’s too heavy
When someone is ignoring your messages..
just text them “I heard something about you”
and then ignore them too😜😜
[contacting you by Ouija board after murdering you]
AND ANOTHER THING
me: omg I cannot WAIT for summer
also me: omg I’m soooo hot I am DYING
Stop humanising dogs, they’re better than that.
Every time I walk in on my brother watching a Star War, there’s 10 characters I don’t recognize and I just walk away
me: no need to cut it, it’s just for me
pizza guy: u sure?
My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn’t just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can.
Claiming that someone else’s marriage is against ur religion is like being angry at someone for eating a donut because ur on a diet.
The perfect label doesn’t exi-
[Inside every wolf]
Me: Hey.
Me: Oh, hey.
“My door is always open.”
— World’s worst submarine commander
mugger: GIMME UR MONEY
“All I have is this $5 grandma gave me on my birthday”
[mugger pulls off mask revealing grandma]
IT’S PAYBACK TIME