As it turns out you cannot recharge your cell plugging it in to an electric eel. I’m just glad this aquarium had a paramedic on duty.

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Breakfast: “Coffee, please.”
Lunch: “Just grilled chicken over a small salad.”
Dinner: “I’ll take a wheelbarrow full of lasagna and enough chocolate to kill a horse.”


I think as Canadians we’re so nice because we focus all our hatred on geese


How come no one in the fast and furious movies ever need to get gas?


If you’re ever lost in the woods, just find the brightest star in the sky and you’ll know which way space is.


if ur date declines a kiss at the end of the night open ur mouth and let the ants escape. Then say “it’s ok I had a mouthful of ants anyway”


Chasing a Pringles can down a slope is the closest I’ve ever been to hunting my own food.


“Your gun and your badge. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun.” – Octopus Police Chief


“What are you typing? Let me guess. Oh wait, stop right there, I know what it is. It’s not that? Okay wait.. I know it, I know it!” -Google.


When someone says “everything happens for a reason,” I stab them and laugh, just so they know I understand.