@T_Bonezzz_: Ask your doctor if asking your wife what she did all day is right for you
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@Brampersandon_: ME (wearing Tommy Hilfiger): ready to go? GF: not until u put on something less hideous TOMMY HILFIGER (climbs off me): that was unnecessary
@chuuew: BOSS:You were supposed to get an inconspicuous heist car! ME:No one'll suspect the google car B:It's literally documenting everything we do
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: Don't tell the kids but I threw away those awful pictures they made & stuck on the fridge ME: [sprinting towards the bin] MY ART
@i_wantMyBiitch: I wish my new best friend from Spain came with subtitles, because pittbull only taught me uno do tres cuatro...