@LoveNLunchmeat: Astrology seems kinda silly to me, but what do I know? I'm a Pisces, and we're just so damn indecisive.
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@gerryhallcomedy: Cop: Sir, you can't use hand-held communication devices while driving Me: [trying to hide ouija board] What are you talking about?
@gregmania: accidentally summoned a demon at IKEA by trying to pronounce the names of the furniture
@SteveKoehler22: Blonde in laundromat asks to have a sweater cleaned. Attendant : "Come again ?" ( not hearing ) Blonde: "Nope, Just mustard this time"
@Dmvm1977: OMG! My boss has choked on his sandwich and stopped breathing!! Should I call an ambulance? Its been 16hrs.. I didn't wanna make a fuss.