Voted class president. Assassinated.
At 2am, nothing creeps me out more than the shadowy silhouette of my 3 year old.
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attention men: pls stop telling us you want to go down on us for “hours”. thats way too long. we have stuff to do. i’ve got a lasagne cookin
I’m always creeped out by the guy who seems to know the age of consent laws a little too well.
Oh I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood. This is a Ferrets wheel. When your compartment is 90 feet in the air, we release the ferrets.
Walk in the club wearing my transition lenses like “What up who’s here gimme about 30 seconds and then we can get this party started ladies”
[me, watching sports] ah yes, go ball
The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.
Taking my dog out in below zero weather brings one thought to mind. I should have gotten a cat.
Apple Computer is taking steps to
protect user privacy.
Their new policy is iWon’t tell…iPromise
“I’m so hungry, I could eat a human baby.” Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned “Corn-fed organic of course, I’m not a monster.”