If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours to keep. If it doesn’t, you drove far enough.
At some point in your life people stopped getting excited when you finished all the food on your plate.
You Might Also Like
If you are interested in me, now is the time to shoot your shot. My standards are incredibly low.
that earthquake in LA was actually a huge crowd of white girls rushing into a wal-mart to buy a green t-shirt last minute
Got up at 6:30am today. Did some yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything.
Me: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the …
Mirror: Comb your hair.
Yesterday I bought a ribeye.
Today I cooked it with mushrooms and onions and ate it before my kids got home.
I don’t even feel bad about it.
Me: Oh this is a cute selfie!
Brain: Look again
Me: No, you’re right I’m a monster
Brain: As you were
Me: Yes ma’am
Pretended to add my number into this obnoxious guy’s phone. All I did was edit his mom’s contact. Hope she likes dick pics and booty calls.
The good thing about being tall is, you can’t get lost in a crowd.
The bad thing is, you can’t get lost in a crowd.
When you use a camera to digitise a coursework for submission, please make sure you crop out any bits you don’t usually show off in public. Alternatively, please wear pants when taking the photos.
A disturbed lecturer