Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?
Human: we are an advanced species
A: how do you travel?
H: we light old dinosaurs on fire
At some point in your life people stopped getting excited when you finished all the food on your plate.
You Might Also Like
How does a cricket know if his joke has bombed?
Brings sexy back.
Gets charged $5,275.00 in late fees.
Me: Damn dog is under the covers again!
Wife: No she’s not. She’s next to the bed.
Me: Might be time to shave your legs.
JUDGE: your word is “cat”
If I had to choose between watching Frozen 1 and Frozen 2, I’d probably choose whiskey.
*gets caught making stupid faces at baby*
What? He started it.
Me: Sleep time
Brain: Remember in 9th grade when you rhymed “bridges” with “bridges” in a poem & didn’t notice till you were reciting aloud?
My son on the morning of his prom: “Well, it just occurred to me that I paid $130 to go to my school at night.”