It turns out that the Circle of Life doesn’t mean a donut, I’m so confused.
[at the zoo]
Llama spits in my face
I spit in llamas face
Llama slaps me
I grab llamas hair
Llamas gf shouts “leave it Gary!”
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Mortal Kombat Announcer: FINISH HIM
Scorpion: it helps if u choke me a little
A note of apology to the people who complained about our #BlackPanther posts, saying “Wakanda isn’t real”:
I enjoy gardening. I’ve got a bit of a green thumb. Actually several of my fingers are discolored. I think I have diabetes.
*illegally downloads a social life*
Send me a “we need to talk” text and I’m just going to respond with “yeah. We absolutely do.” Now we’re both waiting with spicy armpits.
Ma’am do you know anything about your husband’s death?
Yeah, suicide. It’s awful isn’t it?
You’re saying he chopped himself up and threw his body in the lake?
*sigh* I know, he had some real demons.
Laying in bed with the wife last night, she asked “what would you like to do most to my body?””identify it” probably wasnt the right answer
If you watch Intervention backwards, it’s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
I’ll be really productive once I get some sleep!
well now it’s way too late to do anything