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@daemonic3: [at therapist]
I don't know, sometimes I just feel invisible
Therapist: WHO SAID THAT?!?
@lynnbixenspan: Did you know that by today's standards Marilyn Monroe would be considered dead?
@decentbirthday: [before date]
friend: make everything about her
waiter: *trips and spills food everywhere*
me: *to date* this is all your fault
@prettysadmostly: *opens dating site account* prepare to be dated you pieces of shit
@usermcuserface: My throat hurts, so I better keep swallowing 50 times a minute to make sure it still hurts.
@roxiqt: ME: You wanted me to bring home some bears, right?
ME: Haha. Yeah. That was a joke. Anyways, don't go in the garage for a few hours.