Once again the nurse sighs and writes “patient refused to step on scale” into my medical chart.
You Might Also Like
in every relationship one persons a chef and one person has IBS
How to use eyeliner:
1. Draw a thin line on your top & bottom eyelids
2. Oops too thick, try to even them out
3. Colour your whole face in
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game; I’ll play mine.
You: Hold my beer.
Me: *drinks it because I’m not a table*
Mr. Miyagi: It’s simple Daniel san, wax on, wax off
Daniel: Yeah, but your back hair, bro?
how terrible do you think Maria von Trapp’s life had to be that she included “doorbells” on her list of favorite things
Me: I lost 3 pounds!
Domino’s: I found them for you.
“I like your face” sounds less creepy in your head than it does outloud.
“Will u make me breakfast tomorrow?”
No, you’d be disappointed.
“Don’t say it-”
Omelette u down.