@HillbillyWV1965

Auto correct is my worst enema.

You Might Also Like

@osoplain

When ever I put on my mask to go into a store, I hear a voice in my head that says “cover me, I’m going in”

@funnyortruth

Friend : “I wasn’t that drunk!” Me : “Dude a thief stole your T.V and you ran after him screaming “YOU FORGOT THE REMOTE!!!”

@kelkulus

If I were Obama, I’d totally lead with “My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless.” #SOTU

@adamisacson

Canadians would be chagrined to know how many Americans think a “Vancouver” is a big tarp for your VW microbus.

@tarashoe

ah, mercury’s going retrograde, that explains why i accidentally squandered my entire youth

@Jake_Vig

HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like?

ME: I don’t think that will fit me.

@notviking

me: what your biggest fear?

date: oh i’m incredibly arachnophobic

me: [under breath] you don’t want spiders to get married?

@adamallday

I like my meth labs like I like my girlfriends: highly unstable and locked in my basement.

@Leslie_Annie

8 yr old: mommy, why are you laying on the floor?

Me: I just did 438 sit ups.

8: sounds legit.

I’ve taught her well.