As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me
[awesome life of caterpillar]
1) all I do is eat, awesome
2) time to sleep in this cozy bag, awesome
3) *wakes up*OMG I CAN FLY NOW, AWESOME
You Might Also Like
I don’t sign anything if they don’t give me time to pretend to read it first.
2008: I want a career where I change the world
2012: It’d be great to make decent money doing something I’m proud of
2018: crying in my cube 4x a week is ONLY acceptable if I make enough money to afford tissues
No one shot Rick Ross – when you’re that big you’re BOUND to be hit by a random stray bullet now and then
If there’s more than one apocalypse, is it apocalypses or apocali?
I just want to be ready.
BOSS: why are you so late?
ME: i definitely wasnt up until 4am watching Hey Arnold ha-ha
BOSS: well i was and i got here on time
How to get laid:
Step 1: Be an egg
Step 2: That’s literally it
He wasn’t even meant to be at the party, but when she took a bite of the salsa laiden chip and then placed it back in the sauce to reload it, he knew he had just met his soulmate. It was serendoubledipity.
“WHAAAAATTT?” – The first almond to be milked
Age 21: Goes out for drinks after 9 PM and gets home at 2 AM.
Age 37: Has one tiny little sip of water after 8 PM and has to get up and pee three times before 2 AM.