*puts on shirt*
*shirt rips because of my muscles*
*gets yelled at for ruining 5yo’s shirt*
Awwww finally got my nose pierced this morning.
Never fight over a bus seat with an old lady who’s knitting.
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I put on Sade and she said ” who is that ? ” so me being the gentleman that I am I explained it to her while dropping her off at the bus stop
So many mixed messages in the media. Titanic tells us “never let go.” Frozen says “let it go.” Smdh
College Math: Your kid lives in a dorm room the size of a matchbox. When she moves home, her belongings fill every inch of an entire house. How is it possible? Calculator allowed. Show your work.
Teacher: remember class, there are no stupid questions
Me: *raises hand*
Teacher: i just said, no stupid questions
Me: *lowers hand*
So, I need an aquaculture licence to keep fish in a barrel and a firearms licence to shoot them. This is not as easy as I was led to believe
Let’s just call a cruise ship that’s sailing exclusively for married couples what it really is…….a battleship
My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup.
interviewer: what’s your background?
me: mainly sales and marketing but—
interviewer: no, I’m talking about that framed poster of the lady bunny from space jam