I drove for the first time in a long time without the music on……I don’t think cars are supposed to make the sounds I’m hearing.
Babies cry so that we can remember where we left them.
You Might Also Like
I said goodbye to everyone at a party and then mistakenly walked into a closet and was too embarrassed to walk back out so I live here now.
HIPPO: I’m really heavy
ZIPPO: I’m a little lighter
I finally figured out what flies and mosquitoes are for. They’re gods way of making us slap ourselves.
Sometimes I like to freak my husband out by asking where this relationship is going.
“OPEN UP, THIS IS THE POLICE!”
haha, no way losers. I’ve got things to do.
*cop whispering* “what do we do? this guy is owning us hard!”
“can i smoke in here?”
“sure go ahead sir”
*lights scented candle*
“can i scatter rose petals in here?”
“can i dim the lights
Me: *cleaning blood oozing from the walls* the ghost said it will quit haunting our house if you just put your stuff away
Husband: I said I would do it
Me: *being dragged to the basement by an invisible force* JUST PUT IT AWAAAAAAY
Husband: omg, you don’t have to nag
* Pogoing Outside Your Window
~ Are… You… Sure… You… Don’t… Want…. A… Second… Date?
This reads like the bunny is the First Lady and I can’t stop laughing.