I’ll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please.
BACK IN OUR DAY, WE DIDN’T HAVE ANY FANCY EPI-PENS!!!
We just died…
AND WE LIKED IT!!!
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The older I get, the more I understand why Squidward is always so annoyed.
NAZI: I’m a Nazi
MEDIA: How controversial
NAZI: I said I was a Nazi
MEDIA: Your clothes are beautifully tailored
BOSS: Ok so far so good. But before we finish the interview I’m gonna have you take a typing test.
LOBSTER: *looking down at claws* Shit
I was completely offended, but then you said “no offense,” so now everything’s cool.
I cannot stop laughing. Bungalow.
I put on Sade and she said ” who is that ? ” so me being the gentleman that I am I explained it to her while dropping her off at the bus stop
Reporter: He was strangled by a loved one
My Murderer: Whoa, love is a strong word
My boyfriend said we can’t hang out this weekend because he doesn’t exist.