@TheBoydP: Bad is when you finish the dishes then see a few more things to wash. Worse is when your wife is there so you can't say you didn't see them.
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@jergarl: [At gang interview] GangLeader: You wanna be in our gang Me: Yep GL: What qualities do you.. M: *Already snapping fingers GL: You're in
@TheHyyyype: [taking girlfriend out] her dad: have her back at a reasonable time me: don't worry sir *clicks seatbelt* i have her back all the time her dad: propose
@AndrewNadeau0: My dancing style could best be described as "Frantically trying to pet the ghosts of animals only I can see."
@PleaseBeGneiss: Me: maybe we should let it live Captain Ahab: *turning harpoon on me* what? Me: uh I-I just don’t think this obsession is worthwhale Ahab: ...ha Me: haha Ahab: hahaha worthWHALE oh jeez Me: haha whew *realizing I’m bleeding* when did you shoot Ahab: oh like immediately