Saw 10: nickelback on repeat for 24 hours and to get out of the room you have to talk to Ann Coulter.
Basically, our plans for the satanic ritual fell through, because we couldn’t agree on whose turn it was to get the goat.
You Might Also Like
Accidentally used 13’s shower gel, so I just copped a huge attitude, yelled at everyone and slammed some doors.
I don’t see enough dead people.
WIFE: Where the hell are u?
ME: Well…u know that shop where u saw that ring you love
W: OMG YES
M: I’m catching Pokemon near there
I would describe my conference call personality as “also there”
2008- This Master’s degree is going to change my life!
2019- I’ve got the worst pajamas in this dollar store.
The war on Christmas goes well. We found an elf stronghold & cut off its candy cane supply lines. Last night, they ate Donner.
I like to leave myself sexy love notes in my lunches and act all surprised and giddy like “WHAAAAAT—-NOT AGAIN!” and then proceed to read the note out loud as my co-workers look on in envy.
“Excellent choice, sir. And what temperature would you like me to microwave your steak to?” – The Honest Applebees Server
ME: it’s a belt with a clock on it
SHARK: this is a waste of time