“How was your trip, boy?” I ask my dog, petting his glowing fur. “There’s been a development,” he says gravely, removing his space helmet
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Seems like I can’t even sit on a park bench anymore without someone’s henchman sneaking by to swap briefcases
Give me a few strong men, and I’ll build a nation. Give me a few hot women, and I’ll conquer the world.
Me: isn’t there anything ELSE you want to take?
Burglar: lady I told you I’m married
My fantasy is having two men at once.
If I ever win the lottery & someone asks me for money I’m going to give them a dollar & say “Here. Go play the Lottery. That’s what I did.”
Him: What’s your sign?
Incase you didn’t hear the look I just gave you,
If a cop is arresting you, just play the national anthem, he’ll be forced to stand still for the whole thing while you get away