“Be cool, be cool,
be cool”

~me before I’m about to not be cool.

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20% of traffic accidents involve deer.Who allowed deer to drive in the first place?


In the future:
“So Zionists tried to take a people’s home and said god gave it to them.”
“So what happened?”
“Apparently god disagreed.”


No, I always make this wincing face when I talk to people saying awful shit. It’s not just you.


Her: *eats entire croissant without shedding a single crumb*

Me: *touches croissant; it explodes into sandstorm of crumbs completely filling a 6-ft. radius around me*


Today’s workout. Light weights. 1 hour parkouring rooftops on my block. It’s surprising how many people have skylights in their bathrooms.


It is said the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million.

How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?