@caseytduncan: Bed Bath & Beyond starts off pretty normal-sounding, but then it goes galactic.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Well kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, he erects a monument for her, but in his pants.
@jakob_huber: *meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* "What's this?" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime
@LackOfShame: Me: Do you like the new ceiling fan? Her: Yeah, but the fan light is really dull. Fan light: Ok wow like I'm right here
@djdarrellripley: Me: I've finally finished that jigsaw puzzle! Her: YOU DRUNK! It took you 6 months! Me: On the box it said 2 to 4 years!