@krishna_van

Been playing hide n’ seek with my niece and nephew for the last three hours. I guess I should get off twitter and go and look for them now.

You Might Also Like

@awescar

*rips finished page from adult coloring book*

*puts it on daughter’s toy kitchen fridge*

@E_lok44

Based on the amount of animal hair, clinging to your t-shirt, I’m going to pass on your homemade cookies, thank you.

@AcerbicSuburban

Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.

@bighandsmassuer

If she’s interested in you she will reply

If she isn’t, she won’t

Unless she’s thinking about it then who knows how long it could take

@sixfootcandy

Husband: Should we hit the gym today?

Me: *drawing pumpkin eyes with a Sharpie on my stomach* What?

@iGreenGod

My Ex told me once that more people would like me if I buttered them up, but in real people ran away when I step towards them with a butter knife.

@farouq_yahaya

I was passing by, and I saw this guy in the bush shouting “Help, snake help”

I just laughed because I knew the snake wasn’t going to help him “

@tsm560

*thinks happy thoughts*

*throws pixie dust in your eyes*

*flies off with all your money*

@AllanForsyth

[The Last Supper]

Waiter: *grinning slyly* Here’s a 50% off coupon for your next visit.