Juliet: yo I’m dead
Juliet: OR AM I…
Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell “definitely.”
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I overheard my daughter asking the little boy next door, “Are you the opposite sex, or am I.”
them: the new Batman film will be totally raw and gritty
I could never be a starving artist because the first time I got hungry I’d be like that’s enough art.
A ninja turdle is when you poop really fast.
My spirit animal took one look at me and went back to the spirit world.
Dentist’s steal teeth for the tooth fairy money. There, I said it.
McDonalds wants you to tell your family you love them because if you keep eating McDonalds it won’t be long before you’re dead.
i cared about something once— must have been a glitch in the mehtrix
I would totally waterboard you.