@Reverend_Scott

[being carried out of the zoo on a stretcher] not all hyenas are scared of the name Mufasa, I know this now

You Might Also Like

@onelongbender

My internet boyfriend doesn’t know about my real life boyfriend, which makes two of them.

@Jamberee13

I am a(n):

⚪️ man
⚪️ woman
🔘 unknowable entity in the deep wood
 
seeking:

⚪️ men
⚪️ women
🔘 a morally grey companion to defend me from the wizard who has been hunting me for centuries

@crocfanpage

if you were born before 1996 you are a millennial

if you were born after 2005 you are gen z

if you were born in between then you are an honorary member of the black eyed peas

@Eves1

Ok guys, I have 28 minutes to kill before I casually need to respond to a text message.
What’s up?

@mars___bars

a segment like “celebrities read mean tweets” but instead it’s professors reading course evaluations written by students who failed their class

@KrangTNelson

one time when I was a kid I was in canada on canada day but didn’t realize it was canada day and I saw a mountie on stilts so I spent the next couple of years thinking canada had stilt cops

@Ideal_Victoria

Coworker: *sneezes*
Me: Bless you
CW: *sneezes*
M: Bless you
CW: *sneezes*
M: Bless you
CW: *sneezes*
M: *stabs them in the neck with a pen*

@LnL245

Her: If someone gave you five dollars would y-
Me: Yes.

@chelliet22

I heard a noise downstairs, so naturally I came down to investigate in my towel, post-shower.

Exactly. I’M the idiot in a slasher film.