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@sirchutney: 'Benjamin Button.'
@Jandalize: Imagine a giraffe. Now imagine the giraffe trying to get on a pool float. Now put my face on the giraffe. That's about right.
@Gooooats: Oh, you want to know if I'm a good kisser?
*puts cherry stem in mouth*
*spits out entire wicker bed and makes out with you on it*
@Thomas_Lull: Life is like a box of condoms. If you don't use one, you never know what you're goin get.
@FunnerGunner: My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."
@BoogTweets: *Full parking lot*
Me: IF THERE IS A GOD, FIND ME A SPOT AND I WILL BECOME RELIGIOUS!
*spot opens up*
Me: NEVER MIND, I FOUND ONE!