I’m dressing for the weather I desperately want, not the weather I currently have.
Best convo of the last 5 yrs:I explained to my son that his friend’s Mum had become a man: “You can do that?””Yes””Then I wanna be a dragon”
You Might Also Like
I scream. You scream. We all scream. This fancy wine bars toilet gender signs were unclear.
Victorian Era YouTube comments
My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer…
Wife: It’s like every man on earth has to share one brain
Me: [can’t think of a good comeback because it’s not my turn to use the brain]
I save a lot of money on all my tooth extractions by engaging in street fights..
No, Grandma. Still not married; but the lady in the Popeye’s Chicken commercials keeps calling me “Honey” so we’ll see where that goes.
Thank god we don’t have thought bubbles above our heads. I’d be in trouble 99% of the time.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
People that stop in the middle of the grocery aisle are my favorite.