@UncleDuke1969: Beware of fowl play.
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@sammyrhodes: Never understood Monopoly. It's like saying, "Hey we're stressed out about real $, so let's play a game & get stressed out about pretend $.
@Dutch_50: When the cleaning lady say's "Have a good night", I try to time it so we say it in unison. Then I say our "You too" response in harmony.
@ShortSleeveSuit: My wife just found a coupon for lice treatment and yelled to everyone in the house “if you’re gonna get lice, people, get it now!”
@janinebrito: *me on my deathbed, surrounded by loved ones* “This has been a good life, I’m so happy to go peacefu- *Linkedin comes crashing through the wall* “DEBRA WOULD LIKE TO ADD YOU TO HER PROFESSIONAL NETWORK!”