@NYC_Blonde: Billion dollar idea: Tea bags that are actually wine bags. Slogan: You already act like you're God, now turn water into wine like Jesus!
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@mrtruthandsoul: *breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?
@fluffysuse: There are three types of people: 1. Annoying people 2. Annoying people I am sleeping with 3. People I haven't met
@Pork_Chop_Hair: If we put headlamps on the squirrels that live in our trees, we don’t even need a strobe light for our backyard dance party. Just something to consider.
@mean_spice: [bedroom] Me getting out whipped cream: I've been waiting for this Gf: kinky, I like it Me already eating pie: what