Yeah? Well the Bible also tells us that abstinence isn’t 100% effective, Mary.
Billion dollar idea: Tea bags that are actually wine bags. Slogan: You already act like you’re God, now turn water into wine like Jesus!
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exec: any ideas for new kids shows
writer: a mouse tries to murder a cat with a toaster
exec: nice. what else?
writer: a coyote tries to murder a roadrunner with dynamite
exec: love it. any more?
writer: a dude with a speech impediment tries to murder a rabbit with a shotgun
I mix up the Marvel and DC universes on purpose just for the angry sex
In case of emergency, run faster than everyone else.
I wonder if this guy ahead of me in line would mind if I pulled his jeans up for him.
“How’s your day going?”
Her: come over
Me: are your parents home?
Her: no 😉
Me: what?! BRETT AND CINDY ARE AT RISK!
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
REAL ’90s kids will recognize this! —> Current unemployment.