@molly7anne: billionaires spent their money on sex crimes and polluting the ocean. such bullshit. with a billion dollars you could probably get Jeff Goldblum to tuck you into bed or have Stevie Nicks put a hex on you. billionaires are so stupid.
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@WilliamAder: I don't think a single person at the office noticed that I shaved off my mustache. All I heard all day long was, "Where are your pants?"
@ClichedOut: nurse: how do u rate ur pain me: it's a thumbs down nurse: me: would not recommend
@yonewt: This town's getting on my nerves, gonna blow off some steam by doing a dance routine at the abandoned warehouse.
@ItsAndyRyan: A thief has removed all the motorway signs in Yorkshire. Police are currently trying to find Leeds.
@david8hughes: [date] Me, struggling to pronounce things on the menu: I'll just have the chicken nouj- Date: nuggets
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