@peterjames48: Birth certificates need a popup dialog box: "Are you SURE you want to spell your kid's name that way?"
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@daemonic3: ME: can you believe they are banning plastic straws and you have to bring your own FRIEND: that sucks ME: yes one that sucks, that's how straws work
@JasonLastname: 1. have a child 2. never mention it on facebook 3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos
@TitansHomer: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyonce. *drops mic, throws up dynasty sign*