@tastefactory

BLIND DATE TIP FOR WOMEN: Throw a fork into the wall behind ur date so he has to turn around, to make sure he doesn’t have a hidden ponytail

You Might Also Like

@CornOnTheGoblin

[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event “Come Outside”] what tha

@AndLookPretty

Reese’s peanut butter cups contain only 3% of our daily recommended protein. But if you eat 97 of them… wait, is that right?

@dshack8

I live by 2 simple rules:
1. Don’t treat people like shit.
2. If any melted cheese gets on your paper plate, you must also eat the plate.

@weismanjake

If you run into someone you know and they say “we should hang out sometime” just say “I’m ready to hang out right now” and watch them panic

@TheWidowmakerX

It’s with great sadness that I must say goodbye to you all!
My boyfriend and I argued over how much time I spend on here. He said I must choose between y’all or him. So, I’m gonna be offline for a couple minutes while I help him pack & call him an Uber … I’ll be right back

@josh___grant

Don’t people with bumper stickers realize it takes a t-shirt to change a person’s deeply held beliefs?

@Phoebetate

I was just accosted by a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling “why you ain’t got no babies?”I bet my father in law paid her

@DanMentos

Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive