Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
10: *reading card* Mama! Name 3 rappers! GO!
Me: Saran, aluminum foil, & cellophane! *beaming*
10: *laughing* OMG!
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Clue is a wonderful game that teaches children about murder.
You should absolutely look gift horses in the mouth. Troy literally burned bc they didn’t. I even check regular horses. Can’t be too careful
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on. Boom, problem solved!
Him: What are you doing tomorrow?
Me: I was thinking maybe a chocolate croissant for breakfast.
Me: Oh, you mean between meals.
John won’t let me go to dinner in my towel even thought it is my favorite outfit
The only person who listens to both sides of an argument, is the next door neighbour …
Trees have done a lot of shady things in their lives.
Husband: I thought you two were doing math homework together.
Me: We are.
Bob: What happened to you?
Me: Run over by a truck
Bob: [runs over by a truck] ok, now tell me what happened to you