@chuuew

[BOOK CLUB]
ME: So last weeks assignment was Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. What did everyone think?
STEVE:
PAUL:
JANE:
SARAH:
MARK:
DAVE:

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@JasonLastname

1. have a child
2. never mention it on facebook
3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos

@ok_girlfriend

when you’re having a great time with your new toy but then find out it’s not for you

@MelvinofYork

I’m consistently puzzled by how “you ain’t shit” is an insult while “you’re the shit” is a compliment

@jimmytorosian

An excerpt from my self help book, “How to Get Rich Quick”

Chapter 1: Write a self help book about how to get rich quick

The End

@G_Faylor

[getting moidered]
is this because i’m from new joisey?

@GuyConfused

I don’t mind meeting her parents. It’s her husband I have always been avoiding.

@FredTaming

[ first date ]

her: i like a man who plans financially for the future

me: i swallowed $9.13 this morning that i won’t be able to spend until later

@Tmoney68

June 1885 – The Statue Of Liberty arrives in the U.S. in 350 pieces with no instructions.

Future IKEA magnate: “That gives me an idea.”