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@WittySassBasket: *books 90 minute massage*
Me: DON'T TOUCH ME. I'm only here for the nap.
@Dawn_M_: I thought this waitress was in love with me but then right in front of my eyes she started to bring other people food.
@Nahdude83: A shirt so loud, you have to wear ear plugs when you put it on.
@jctwritesstuff: Eating cheese right off the block then realizing you've eaten too much so you eat a bunch of chips makes it like nachos, right?
@hippieswordfish: 'welcome to subway how can i-'
ME:*punches counter*WHY DOES THE KOOL-AID MAN CARRY A SMALLER PITCHER OF KOOL-AID
M: IS IT HIS PISS
@LosLos__: Me: Gonna go see Gym.
Friend: You mean go to the gym?
Me: No, Gym is Geoff's brother.