@Stellar_AF

Boss: Stop copy and pasting responses from previous emails

Me: sounds good

Sent from my iPhone

Sent from my iPhone

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@tsm560

Keep messing with those Snapchat filters and your face is gonna stay that way.

@MaryJustice86

My son had to pick his towel up off the floor today. Apparently he’s forced to do everything around here.

@DaveWeasel

“Don’t Kid Yourself” would be the greatest brand name for birth control pills.

@HenpeckedHal

We took family pictures with an actual photographer today. No one argued, no one yelled, no one whined, no one cried. Years from now we can look at these photos and say, “this is how we never were.”

@xLitaLitax

Losing weight doesn’t seem to be working for me, so just gonna concentrate on getting taller

@KentWGraham

I told my son, age 11, to clean his room. He’s 22 now. Will it ever happen?