[brainstorming movie scripts]
writer: a romantic comedy? guy sees girl in red dress and falls in-
stephen king: what if it’s an evil dress
You Might Also Like
YUCKING OTHER PEOPLE’S YUM IS VERY UNBECOMING
The sequel to The Sound of Music starts with Maria and Capt. Von Trapp, cold and hungry, huddled together in the middle of the Alps making a list of the order in which to eat the children.
batman: I protect the innocent, the helpless, the people with no one left to save them
alfred: right
batman: also need you to make another costume, I adopted an angsty orphan and wanna send him to fight an insane clown
My teen said my new shoes are dank, so now I need to google what that means and decide if I’m happy or mad.
Just learnt how a cat yowls on heat. So glad we as humans don’t do it the same way
Whenever I’m worried I messed up with my wife I remember that time my brother gave an anniversary card to his current wife on the date of his first marriage
[pulling sword out of stone] now I am the rightful king of all England [sword keeps coming out] what the hell [colored handkerchiefs fly from the stone] oh no it’s as I’ve feared [clowns around me take a knee]
Terribly Tuesday.
I don’t even want to know why.
How many? 🤔
My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns so obviously I’m dying
The date abruptly ended when an argument over who’s the hottest Disney princess spiralled out of control.
I hate flexing on twitter but I just finessed a crockpot and a ouija board from my neighbor’s garage sale for only $10 if anyone wants to come over and summon evil spirits while I slow cook vegetable stew for us
Never underestimate the power of a group of idiots.
i once had a doctor named doctor. dr. doctor. doc doc, for short. who i introduced to my ball-player friend, richard michael gossage. “doc doc, goose,” i said. folks,,
I NEVER WORE EARPLUGS TO CONCERTS WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I TURNED OUT FINE!
Kids playing baseball in the backyard really hits home. Usually on a window.
Add spice to your relationship. Probably not saffron, though. That stuff’s expensive.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book in our store and laid them end to end you would be thrown out by security and banned from returning.
me: do you have coke
cat waiter: is pspspsps ok?
Awwwwww he is confused! ❤️🤣🤣
Me: Do you like my jeans?
Her: They’d look better on my floor 😉
Me: *laying down on the floor fully dressed* OK…so now?
Her: ….
Johnny Depp was the ultimate bad boy until he started looking like my great aunt.
I love sleeping, mainly because I get a break from sucking my gut in.
My brother-in-law: what’s your kittens names?
My 10yo: Jinx and Jingles.
BIL: Which one is the black one?
10yo: that one. *points to black kitten*
If the floor is lava, that couch isn’t gonna help you, kid.
Khan: Revenge is a dish best served cold, and it is very cold in space…
Kirk, who is from Iowa: Oh, you think space is cold?
My wife does this cute thing now & then where she goes out shopping for next years yard sale items.
me: i was doing crossfit on the night in question
cop: ur not even a suspect
me: i just wanted u to know
ME: “Nemo” is Latin for “no one,” so in essence he is searching for nothing, a spectre. His voyage crosses many planes, into the depths of the underworld, led by a fool who speaks riddles. He is King Lear lost in the storm, but also Dante traversing Hell
MY CHILDREN: We hate you
Important news x ( everyone needs this on a Monday morning )