Netflix still asking if we’re there like we can leave the gd house.
BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence taking 2-year break from acting.
Vin Diesel is also taking a break from acting, but will keep making movies.
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it’s cool how the members of Anonymous are so good at computer stuff, but also wrote so many great poems and inspirational quotations.
facte: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once
me: “it hurts when i pee”
doctor: “quit peeing on my desk and ill stop hitting you!”
My friend has got an excellent nose for wine.
It’s shaped like a corkscrew.
🎶 I get knocked down, but I get up again.. 🎶
[whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd]
“Aw hell yeah!”
“Dora” only rhymes with “Explorer” if you’re from Long Island, New York
[accidentally hits Siri in high school classroom]
Siri: what can I do for you, #1 God of Sex?
[every boy in the class checks their phone]
[teaching babies to swim]
Me: ok, some of you are not gonna make it
Boy giraffe: You wanna?
Girl giraffe: Ok, but kiss my neck first.
Boy giraffe: But Babe, we only have 3 hours!