Brouhaha (noun): the feeling of joy upon discovering someone has made you a cup of tea.
You Might Also Like
FACT: Carrots may be good for your eyes but alcohol will double your vision.
fleetwood mac implies the existence of fleetwood dennis, fleetwood charlie, fleetwood dee, and fleetwood frank
Agent school must be stressful when you have to decide whether to go the “insurance” or “secret” route.
My GF’s anti aging cream went bad.
HOW DOES ANTI AGING CREAM HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE?!
The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.
My 9yo just made a “protein shake” out of milk, cookies and ice cream.
I’m making him my new nutritionist.
keep reaching for the stars, kid:
[getting kidnapped] grab my heating pad too pls
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of intoxicants.
Let’s talk about my ability to hold a grudge. Back in ’78, a friend of mine bought me an album by The Rolling Stones, but she opened it and recorded it first. To this day, I refer to her as “Kathy, you know, the one that opened that album…”
Linda from the office calls it a shawl but I know a shitty cape when I see one.
I’m sorry, you’ll have to repeat that. I’m not fluent in nonsense.
Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween… best hate sex we ever had.
Really not sure what’s all the fuss about the Queen’s #Nazi salute, everyone knows ‘Scissors Beat Paper’
Nightmares are so embarrassing bro, like u literally made up a guy and got scared of him.
We’ve run out of coffee so my girlfriend pressured me into knocking next door. So I knocked and awkwardly asked them to go to the shops.
Two wolves ? more like a hyena carcass and a dust bunny.
Food was bad, cabins were dirty, everyone but me was gruesomely killed. Liked the paddle boats. 1/2 star. -Yelp review of Camp Crystal Lake
person: nice cheese
inventor of swiss: thanks it has pockets
I think we can all agree if the ancient Egyptians had twitter there would be no pyramids.
LinkedIn just texted me that people are looking at my profile. That feels ominous.
Our son came home one day with
a note from his first grade teacher:Your son bit another boy today.
Is he getting enough to eat at home ?
Haven’t you heard, Fanny packs are back.
Him: It’s just… I’ve never seen anyone eating boiled eggs out of one…
I hate all this sex on the TV
I keep falling off.
I’m walking on sunshine, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and I’m startin’ to feel
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS TERRIBLE
Somebody asked me if I could go back in time if I would kill baby Hitler. Hold up. Hitler was a baby? This shit just keeps getting crazier
I like when candies have offseasons, like Easter is the Super Bowl of Cadbury Crème Eggs and then the eggs go rest up for training camp
[stepping out of time machine] shit I forget why I came to this year
*logs into Facebook
*looks at pictures of people hugging their boyfriends
*comments ‘is that your dad’ on all of them
*logs out of Facebook
Jesus, don’t take the wheel. Give me your keys. Sober up.
*hands cup of water*
DON’T TURN THAT INTO WINE AGAIN