me: so your first name is “shaw-un” then why is your last name “be-een”?
sean bean: you want my autograph or not?
me: I do, shawn bawn.
Bully: gimme ur sandwich
Me [pulls knife]
Bully: hey man I don’t want any-
Me: -crusts. i know
You Might Also Like
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, “I don’t think you’re supposed call people that any more.”
Him: do you swallow
*walks away mumbling. How else do you think I eat. Idiot
My parents are divorced. I feel fat and all the other girls my age have boyfriends.
Him: Being a teenager is tough.
Me: *sigh* I’m 40.
me: but i want it
ambulance driver: [passing dairy queen] i said no
Let’s bring back the word HOOTENANNY
date: i love that you know about plots of land
me: thanks that means a lot
If your bf/gf is mad at you put a cape on them and say, “Now you’re super mad!” If they laugh marry them.
The surgeon who worked on my shoulder said it should feel better in a week to seven days, which makes me worry.
I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille….nnn…..I just love smell of campfires.