@desukidesu

bully: hey 2015 called, they want t-

me: wait they called?

bully: well tha-

me: [grabbing his collar] YOU’VE GOT TO WARN THEM

You Might Also Like

@MadisonCarly26

Chinese food – $25
Delivery fee – $3.99
Realizing they forgot a container – riceless

@SondraDeeMe

I may be paranoid, but it feels like the world is out to get me.

*trips over globe and breaks both legs*

@ItsMeHelenMary

1st kid: *makes own baby food from organically grown fruits and veggies fresh from the garden*
4th kid: *throws can of spaghetti-O’s in a blender*

@BlindChow

i texted random strangers trying to trick them into finishing my owl joke

@perlhack

i’ve eaten so many carbs during quarantine, my blood sugar is now regulated by pancakereas

@nikkithecanuck

Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I use beer. I call this the Heineken maneuver

@TheWeirdWorld

Maybe people are the dumbest creatures on Earth, and animals just pretend to be dumber to avoid talking to us.

@buhsbaby_baby

“Boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses”

-I remind myself as I flirt with the fire extinguisher I’ve mistaken for a cute guy

@sixfootcandy

You know you’re an adult when you spend $100 at the grocery store and leave without any food.