@SimoneGiertz

but like if you somehow manage to launch yourself to the ISS they ought to let you in? right??

asking for a friend

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@kumailn

Did you know: Wi-Fi is short for “wireless fireless.” Pre-wi-fi all internet was fire based. Firewall, firewire, “fire up the computer” etc.

@irreligiousorg

You don’t see faith healers in hospitals for the same reason you don’t see psychics winning the lottery.

@shariv67

The developers of Apple Maps first big mistake was not calling it Mapples.

@TheBoydP

I just heard an economist say she believes a lot of people have “pent up savings” from the pandemic like she’s never heard of Amazon.

@RichyCraven

In fairness to Jesus, “One of you will betray me” is a great dinner party conversation opener.

@1MeLrO

My daughter was using a old ice tea bottle for her paint brushes and accidentally drank it

Did I mention she’s been on the Dean’s List for 4 years

@BooFricketyHoo

I’m on Twitter because my brother got a chemistry set for christmas when he was little and I got plaid pants.

@Beer_Blonde_

A younger man said I have a smokin hot body for an older woman…

I’m not sure if I should thank him or put him in a time-out.