Buy the haunted house…

You’ll never be lonely.

You Might Also Like


Do you think the guy responsible for squirting water in NFL players’ mouths has “rehydration specialist” listed on his LinkedIn profile?


*cleans house while wife’s out*
W: *walks in* wow babe, thanks so-
M: APRIL FOOL’S *runs around making huge mess til it’s worse than before*


Count Chocula cereal is the perfect combination of breakfast and fear.


he said he adored my imperfections.

and i was like WHAT IMPERFECTIONS????


If somebody my age is out past 11 PM they just got off the second shift at work.


Does anyone know the life span of a honey baked ham? Please say 6 months.

Never mind, I’m just gonna pretend everything’s going to be ok.


Brain: Follow your heart
Heart: Go with your gut
Gut: Pick the grilled cheese


What I said: I forgot my book. What the teacher heard: I hate school, I hate you & I don’t want to make something out of my life.


My signature move at family dinners is waiting for someone to put their drink down at the table & then moving it when they go to the buffet.


Do people who take performance enhancing drugs know nothing of coffee?