If your dog & your baby are fighting, it’s important to leave them to it so that a pack leader can be established.
Buying a life insurance policy is best way to pretend that you have a life.
You Might Also Like
Give a man fish and you’ll feed him for a day…… Give a fish a man and you’re probably in the Mafia
I grew up so poor our dog could only get one rabie.
Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared.
Then you Energy.
ME: [walking down the street clearly counting with my fingers]
WIFE: you could just-
ME: I’m not paying for another Fitbit, Jenn
Very envious of the people who are out enjoying wilderness. It looks rad but I do not know anything about nature. I didn’t realize deer were real until like a year ago. I thought they were made up for Bambi.
Don’t say their name during sex. Just keep saying “oh God”.
You’ll be safe.
INTERVIEWER: Any questions for me?
ME: How do I access the WIFI?
INTERVIEWER: I meant about the job
ME: Is that all capital?
boss: you’re fired. clean out your desk.
me, a janitor: look, am I fired or not?