@Black__Elvis: By a show of hands, who has hands? Sit down Leonard, you're a seahorse.
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@daemonic3: Hello 911? "What's your emergency?" You work in a building? "Yes" Inside? "Yes WHAT'S YOUR EM-" So you're saying 911's an inside job?!
@BlindChow: WIFE: he never compromises ME: look, Sean Bean is either pronounced Shawn Bonn or Seen Bean it can't be both THERAPIST: (nodding) he's right
@causticbob: Someone recently asked me, "What blood type are you?".. I said , "The red runny type".
@akatinamarie: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.