“Can I take your order?”
Wait, take it where?
I haven’t even given you my order yet
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY ORDER
Snacking while preparing dinner: 8,374
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Spanish: The h is silent
English: Many letters can be silent
French: All letters are meaningless, every living thing is born without reason
Is no shave November just for men?
Asking for my female Italian coworker and her mustache.
Don’t say you love me unless you have bought me a miniature donkey. Without the donkey, they are just empty, meaningless words.
Me: The house is clean!
Kid: Hold my juice box!
I freeze leftovers because I don’t want to throw away food now, I want to throw it away in 8 months.
him: I’m sorry about the sushi but your bio said “real fish person”
me, a mermaid: can we just go
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else’s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Who called it anxiety and not revenge of the nerves?
If I owned a Brazilian waxing joint, I’d call it Pubic’s Cube or The Razor’s Edge or Hedging Your Bets or Getting a Leg Up or Bush League or