According to my neighbor’s journal, I have “boundary isues.”
Calling my work product a dog’s breakfast is really insulting to the high standards set by the canine food industry.
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Y’all wanna see a dead body?
A “Mouse potato” is someone who spends a lot of time at a computer.
Bro do you even watch The Notebook and weep softly, mourning the eternal nature of love juxtaposed against the fallibility of memory, bro?
IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE, NOT CHRISTMAS STEVE!!
was your ex gf really psycho or did she just have trust issues because of your lack of communication & ignorance of her genuine concerns
Insomnia: Wanna see a magic trick?
Insomnia: Cmon, you know you do
Insomnia: Think of a number between 1 and 10,000
Insomnia: Is it 1?
Insomnia: Is it 2?
Me: …I hate you
Insomnia: Don’t tell me. Is it 4?
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
drank a Mike’s Hard Lemonade & crashed my dirt bike into a mailbox RT @McDonalds Good morning! How was your weekend?