Him: This is not what I had in mind when I suggested role play
Me: [in Boba Fett helmet] Shut up and put Captain Solo in the cargo hold
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not “content creator”?
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I can’t help but notice that the Ninja Turtles never wash their hands before eating pizza in the sewer.
Just because it’s called a “fireplace” doesn’t mean it’s the only place I can start a fire
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don’t notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
LEAVE ME ALONE GRANDMA I’M ENTERTAINING LITERALLY TENS OF PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET
“Hi yes I’d like to attempt the Cheeseburger challenge”
“Very good sir”
[ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the kitchen & bodyslams me]
Thank you, internet, thank you. 😂 #Covfefe
Soldier Dying on Omaha Beach.
“dont forget to tell my wife i love her…
and…and…honor me every year with a
People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen
I was raised by wolves
I was then lowered by bears
They really should only have one species of animal operating these cranes