@lenadunham
@JediGigi
Him: This is not what I had in mind when I suggested role play
Me: [in Boba Fett helmet] Shut up and put Captain Solo in the cargo hold
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@JediGigi
@mishakey
I can’t help but notice that the Ninja Turtles never wash their hands before eating pizza in the sewer.
@VikingJonesy
Just because it’s called a “fireplace” doesn’t mean it’s the only place I can start a fire
@peachesanscream
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don’t notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
@Dani_Feld
LEAVE ME ALONE GRANDMA I’M ENTERTAINING LITERALLY TENS OF PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET
@Fred_Delicious
“Hi yes I’d like to attempt the Cheeseburger challenge”
“Very good sir”
[ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the kitchen & bodyslams me]
@AndDube
Thank you, internet, thank you. 😂 #Covfefe
@colonel_trilL
Soldier Dying on Omaha Beach.
“dont forget to tell my wife i love her…
and…and…honor me every year with a
…..mattress sale.”
@Wine_Honey1
People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen
@FriedGoat
I was raised by wolves
I was then lowered by bearsThey really should only have one species of animal operating these cranes