@caitiedelaney: Can anyone explain what’s happening in front of my house none of these belong to me
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@ChrisThayerSays: I'll bet my mom's up in heaven right now, smiling, thinking, "Wow, it was really nice of them to let me out of hell for the day."
@orange_rhymer: *armadillo comes rolling back in the ball return* "Wait.. if you're here, then..." *cut to wife sobbing at bowling ball* "UNCURL, FREDRICK!"
@occupied_stall: If you love someone let them go, if they come back without donuts let them go again.
@dshack8: Anytime I'm watching something on tv my wife starts talking to me as if her words are going to expire if she doesn't use them.