Can’t believe the Obama 2012 campaign isn’t using the slogan “Once you go black, you don’t go back.”

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there should be a jail just for people that don’t break apart kit kats before they eat them


Kissing a girl usually tastes like 3 bottles of wine, not cherry chapstick.


You can’t embarrass me. My parents practiced disco dancing in our living room while my friends were over.


When people say “You’re beautiful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” I want to respond, “Nobody has really been telling me I’m ugly.”


I can no longer remember if I’m wearing clothes under this huge pile of candy wrappers.