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@TheAlexNevil: "Captain, I do believe a larger vessel might be in order."
--Jaws, dubbed for England
@smirkykev: In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c'mon...even I've done THAT!"
@ThugRaccoons: Me: It makes me so happy that after all of these years I still take your breath away.
Wife: Just hand me my inhaler.
@sbellelauren: shout out to camera phones not being invented until well after my glo-stick period
@AngryRaccoon2: Me not wearing a bra is apparently a bat signal for anyone in the neighborhood who might need to come to my door for any reason .
@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.