@Reverend_Scott

[car wreck]
[hand reaches out]

“Take my hand. I’m Chad Kroeger from the popular band Nickelback.”

[I let the flames slowly bake me alive]

You Might Also Like

@MiahSaint

Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.

@s8n

You gotta love Jesus.
He’s born, you get presents. He dies, you get chocolate.

@diaruba74

I’ve decided to go out on the street tonight.

Can’t wait to be chased by the police.
At least a man will finally be chasing me.

@urmumsausername

Groundhog Day is my favourite film about Groundhog Day is my favourite film about Groundhog Day is my favourite film about Groundhog Day is my favourite film about Groundhog Day is my favourite film about Groundhog Day is my favourite film about Groundhog Day is my favourite fi

@roxiqt

Breathe deeply. Relax your shoulders. Unhinge your jaw. Wrap one tentacle around the side of the cruise ship. Pull it to the bottom of the ocean. Repeat.

@fightgeek

we stopped at three kids. our cable spool dining table only seats five comfortably

@Lazer_Cat_

These cats just swagged into the room like they had some serious yolo’ing to do.

@davidkenny100

Me as the astronaut in that Martian movie:
“Day 1 I have enough food to last 459 days”
“Day 2 I now have enough food to last 170 days”

@10kbabyspiders

Three seconds into a three way:

We need to hurry this up. I have to poop